good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
