Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
