I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
