new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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