Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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