You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
