We're facebook friends in real life
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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