Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
