i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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