i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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