Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
