Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
