just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
