At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
