My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
