please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
