What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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