Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize