her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
