I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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