I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
