It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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