Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
