it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
