So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
