The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
