So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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