my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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