I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
