does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
