it was like his penis was on wheels.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
