my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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