idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
