I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
