Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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