How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
