awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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