You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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