I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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