My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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