$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
