mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
