No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
