Please, let me fuck your mom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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