have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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