yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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