Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
