I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do herpes really smell.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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