So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
