This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
