Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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