none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
