i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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