i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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