I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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