Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
