laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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