Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
