I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
