I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
