Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
