He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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