you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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